Pity Party time!

I'm throwing myself a pity party tonight! WOOHOO!!! Nothin' like Sweet Home Alabama, The Notebook, Message In A Bottle, and Pirates of the Caribbean (I've got a jar of dirt... I've got a jar of dirt!). I've got my movies going and for my dinner I have some chocolate cheesecake, cheddar cheese popcorn, slim jims, and sugar cookies! If it weren't for my super amazingly fast metabolism, i'd be the size of an 18-wheeler.

Hm so why the pity party? Because Adam is being a royal pain in the ass and I am beyond stressed from work and school and I just need a night to let loose and relax! Psh who needs alochol when I've got cheesecake! Ok... maybe a beer or two wouldn't hurt (;

Adam's life has recently gotten really stressful again, so I know exactly what that means: He will become distant and my guess is he'll probably run... again. But ya know what? I'm not gonna worry about it. I have way to much to stress over. I'll give him his space and I'll be patient with him and then hopefully things will continue to work out.

My birthday pretty much sucked. It was horrible. I cleaned the house then ate left-over pasta. However, the next day was my mothers birthday and so we went out and celebrated both of our days together. I always felt that having my moms and my birthday just a day apart made us a lot closer. We have always celebrated together which makes for some pretty interesting parties.

Oh! Some exciting news! I was asked the other day if I would be willing to speak on November 6th about my experience of being adopted. Ok... I'm sure you're like "big whoop! Who gives a flying fig?!" Well to me, it's extremely amazing. For years now, I've been speaking out, working on a book, and a website all about adoption and helping those who are adopted, adopted a child, and/or put a child up for adoption deal with the daily struggles. I guess you could say that it's been sort of a mission for me. I've never done anything local, so when this lady called me and asked me to speak at a local church I couldn't have been happier! Apparently it's supposed to be this huge event and hundreds of people are going to be there. I'll be one of 3 different speakers. One of the speakers is a woman who put her son up for adoption, the second being the mother and father of adopted twins, and then me the adopted child.

It's so hard to believe that there is just one more day of September left. I can't help but think that this year has gone by so fast! As much as I hate to wish time away, I wont really be crying a river when the year actually ends. I just pray to God that next year wont be as eventful as this year has been lol.

I've noticed today, that I am EXTREMELY sore from my surgery. I've been doing ok lately, but today my neck has really been bothering me. I'm a little worried about it so I think I may go to the doctor tomorrow just to have them check it out. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

I had some more issues with my dumb ass neighbors today and finally, when they were both together, I said to them both "Look y'all, we're neighbors. We don't have to like each other but we do have to live next to each other. I'll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine. I am beyond tired of being targeted from both of y'all and frankly? It's getting old." I just walked away after that. I'm not going to deal with their crap anymore. I have better things to stress over lol.

I'm debating on rather or not I want to go back to MilSpouse or not... I've been away from the site for a couple of months now, and I really miss having everyone there to talk too. But at the same time, I feel like I don't belong because of all the issues going on with me and Adam.... It's just a website I know, but I'd rather not be some place where I'm not wanted. So I'm not exactly sure what I'll do.

Well I reckon I'm gonna continue to pig out and watch my movies. I hope everyone has a wonderful night and enjoy the last day of September tomorrow!

My shit list got bigger.

I'm beyond pissed. So mad that I can't even stand it. I NEVER ask for anything, not a thing but the one time I did ask for something, I get screwed over. The ONLY thing I wanted for my birthday today was to see Adam... but guess what? HE FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY! Good lord he's known me for years now. How hard is it to remember September 25th? So I guess now I'll just clean the house and watch a little tv. Not much to do around here today. Maybe I'll be really crazy and wash my car. Can you say party animal? Now I do realize that I am blessed to have lived another year and I have a great family and yada yada yada but what woman doesn't want to spend the one day out of the year that's supposed to be HER day, with her man? Maybe i'm over reacting but I don't care. Adam is currently on my shit list at the moment.

Thyroids and tiramisu

Ugh. I am in so much pain right now that it's not even funny... although not sure how any pain could be funny? 5 days ago I had to go through with my Thyroidectomy. Up until the day of surgery, I blocked out that I was even having it done. I knew that if I thought about it, chances were that I wouldn't have even shown up. I'm such a wimp, I know. Luckily they only did a partial Thyroidectomy, so I still have some of my thyroid. The day before surgery SUCKED! Because I was being put to sleep, I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything. I'm normally a pig and eat everything in sight, so this was a very hard task for me. The surgery lasted about 45 minutes and the very moment I woke up, I was hurting so much. My surgeon cut about a 4 inch incision at the base of my neck, tied off the blood supply to my gland, then the surgeon separated the trachea from the thyroid, and removed part of the thyroid gland. Sounds like fun eh? Ya a real blast. 2 days later I was able to go home. My doctor said it will take about 1-2 weeks before I feel completely back to normal, and for now I'm just supposed to take it easy. I actually have an excuse to be lazy now!

My birth mother came by a few hours ago to drop off some food and surprise me with a little birthday present. Tomorrow I'm just gonna sleep all day, and then Sunday when Adam gets back from his moms, he's gonna come see me (seeing him was the only thing I wanted for my birthday, so I'm really happy).

Let me just say, I HATE my neighbor. She banged on my door right before I sat down to blog and told me to do a better job at keeping my lawn mowed. Really?! I wanted to strangle her. Ya ok lady, I'd like to see you mow your lawn after surgery and when you can't, I'll come bang on your door and get on your case you old slut. Gah! I've been having nothing but trouble with that lady. I have to laugh though... this lady is probably in her late 50's to early 60's and isn't married, YET she constantly brags about the 4 different boyfriends she has... ya ok like that's really something to brag about. She isn't even the slightest bit attractive. Adam and I figure she has that many men because she just puts out. YUCK! I'd rather go through surgery again then have that horrid mental picture in my head. It's not just that neighbor that I can't stand. A bit ago, I walked out to get my mail and figured I'd be nice and bring my other neighbor her mail since she is in her 80's and has a hard time getting around. What happens then? She bitches at me! She said I needed to stop snooping around in her mail. Riiiight like I'm sure some 80 year old has some deep personal letter in there... not to mention that I don't even like reading my own mail, so why would I read some one elses? So not going to be nice to that old bat anymore.

Monday my family and I are going to drive up to Knoxville to eat at our favorite Italian restaurant: Altruda's. Not sure how I'll be feeling Monday, but no matter the pain, you can't keep me from going to Altruda's. If you haven't been, it's this AMAZING place that has the best Italian food you'll ever eat. It's been owned by this man Paul for over 30 years and he knows a majority of his customers by name. It's quiet comfortable, great food, great service, and has wonderful tiramisu... my mouth is watering just thinking about it!

I'm getting really tired right now, so I'm thinking it's time for a nap. I hate being lazy and tired, but I guess that's what surgery will do to ya.

Vols & lingerie

I am so worn out and I really have no idea why. Last night, I was in a horrible mood for some reason. Around 8:30, Adam asked if I'd like to go stay with him and the girls for the night and I agreed. When I got there I was still grumpy which was pretty unfortunate. After a loooong back rub later though, I was doing much better (: Madelyn and Kalie had a friend over, which allowed Adam and I to spend time together without the 2 rugrats constantly bugging us (oh the joys of parenthood).

It feels wonderful to finally be at a spot with him where I'm not constantly stressing. Things are still difficult and I'm sure it'll be several more months (if not longer) before our lives together gets to where it needs to be, but all that matters right now is that we're working on things. This morning I had such a hard time leaving his house. I needed to leave by 9 to get home, but ended up not leaving until 11:30. I hate saying goodbye to him. You'd think that after going through deployments with him, that it wouldn't be a problem but it is. Any time apart is always difficult.

When I got home I did a lot of much needed cleaning, then watching the UT Vols vs. Florida Gators game. Figures that Florida would win, but I'm still proud of my Vols (:

Tomorrow or Monday I plan to go birthday shopping for my mother since her birthday is quickly approaching. I already bought her a UT Vols shirt and I plan on getting her some of the really expensive, but amazing shampoo and conditioner that I use since she constantly complains about her hair. Maybe this'll shut her up lol.

I'm really bummed that next Sunday (my birthday) Adam will be at his mothers... which means I wont get to spend my birthday with him. That's the only thing I wanted too... was to see him that day. I know he couldn't help that his mom needed him that day, but it still sucks.

I think when I go shopping for my mom, I'm going to stop by Victoria's Secret. Adam has always wanted me to buy some lingerie and I just never have. Even though I am a really slim woman, I've always been pretty self conscious of my body, mostly due to my 32A flat chest. But I figured that I'd stop by VS and try and find something and surprise him with it for the next time I see him. He'll be SHOCKED which is good (:

Yesterday morning, I had a major falling out with my next door neighbor... I wont go into full details but if ya'll don't see me on here for a while, it'll probably be because I'm in jail for doing something veeeery bad to her (as if... I can't even harm a fly). But the woman is NUTS! I'm not gonna get into it though, it's already caused me to much stress and I don't want to think about it right now.

I'm definitely rambling on and on about basically useless stuff but it kind of feels good to just vent.

I think i'm going to be super lame and go to bed early. It's not even 9 yet and I can barely keep my eyes open.

Peace, Love, Crabs

Ekk! I'm terrible! It's been ages since I've updated, much less been on here at all *Slaps hand* I promise, I'll try and do better. Since it's been almost an entire month since I've last posted, A LOT has gone on.... which means I'm in for a hand cramp with typing all the updates. Where oh where to start? From the beginning I reckon.

1) I'm back in school again (what the hell is wrong with me?!). For years now, I've wanted to work for an adoption agency and I finally decided that it was time to start working towards that dream. I'm now enrolled at East Tennessee State University with a major in Social Work. I'm hoping in 2 years, my dream will happen. I have classes Mondays-Thursdays in the mornings. My latest class ends at 3:30 which is great, because it allows me to still work and get done everything that needs to get done at home. I'm so excited about being back in school, but at the same time I keep thinking why the hell am I doing this? It's so much added stress in my life, but hopefully after I graduate, it'll be worth it -crosses fingers.-

2) I found out 2 days ago that I have hyperthyroidism. For several months now, I have lost A LOT of hair and even if I sleep 8 hours at night, I wake up extremely worn out. I knew something was wrong with my body so I finally went to get it checked out. They explained that my case was so bad that the best thing to do is to remove part of my thyroid. So on September 29th, I go in for surgery. I'm dreading it. I HATEHATEHATE hospitals. I'm such a big baby when it comes to needles, so knowing that they are going to cut me open just scares the living hell out of me. I pray that after the surgery though, I'll feel better. The doctor explained that after the surgery, my body will change. It'll be easy for me to put on weight, my activity level wont be as high, and my sex drive wont be as high either... I had to laugh at the sex drive part though. Apparently my doctor doesn't know Adam because anytime we're around each other, some sort of sexual activity ALWAYS happens. I'm not expecting a removed thyroid to change that lol... sorry Doc.

3) My birthday is approaching (the 25th) and I am totally feeling my age (which I wont say lol). I know I'm still young, 10 1/2 years younger than Adam actually, but with everything that's gone on lately, I feel about 60. I was hoping to spend my birthday with Adam, but he will be with his mom that day so instead, my mom is taking me to Nashville. She said that we're going to do the same thing we did for my 10th birthday when we were in Nashville: Go to Joe's Crab Shack and go on a horse and buggy right. I feel like such a little kid because when she told me this, I got way excited. It's funny how the little things in life make you the happiest.

4) Adam and I are doing so well. We've been talking a lot and I see him 1-2 times a week. I've realized that we rushed into our marriage and that really hurt us. Now we're taking things slow and I'm actually happy. We discussed the other day that a divorce is completely out of the question. I am so thankful for this. I spent last night with him and the girls and I have to say, it was probably one of the better nights that we've had together in so long. I don't want to talk to much about this because I don't want jinx anything, so I'll stop at that.

Life is good. I'm happy again. I've realized that I worry way to much about things that I have no control over and about things that I really don't even need to worry about. I'm trying to really work on that. My life is so much easier when I just stop worrying.

I hope everyone is doing well!

Peace, Love, & Crabs (;