ahh finally here! (: I ended up leaving my house around 11 and got stuck in multiple backups so I arrived a lot later then I expected, but I'm here and that's all that matters! My condo that I'm renting for a week is pretty night and comfortable and thankfully right across the street from the beach.
Once I got settled in, I headed to the beach and for a long walk. It was absolutely beautiful out, especially the sunset. I got some amazing pictures too.
Honestly though? I really miss Adam. I know the purpose of this trip was to get my mind off everything but I think that's impossible to do.
I'm absolutely worn out though. I just got back from the Piggy Wiggly (got a cute t-shirt too!) and made myself some shrimp, rice, and a salad which was really good. So now that I have a full belly, I'm gonna take a long hot shower then head to bed. I think in the morning I'm gonna go for a run on the beach then spend the rest of the day relaxing.
I'm supposed to stay till next Saturday but I'm starting to wonder if I'll cut my trip short. I really don't know yet.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Ready for my margarita!
I can't wait to be heading out to the beach tomorrow. I'm packing my bags then heading out the door around 10am. I'm supposed to check in to the condo I'm staying at around 4 so that'll give me plenty of time to stop to eat as well as leave some time in case of an emergency (just in case people, I'm not planning to do anything stupid lol). I am beyond ready to be laying on the beach soaking up the sun with a very LARGE margarita in my hand.
Adam texted me on Wednesday night asking me to spend the night. I was pretty hesitant at first but I finally agreed. When I arrived at the little trailer he is renting, Madelyn and Kalie came running up to me giving me big hugs... tears came to my eyes. I love those girls so much, and just because they aren't blood doesn't mean I don't love them like they are. But what really broke my heart was when Madelyn said, "What are you doing here? Daddy said you broke up." Wow... what a blow to my heart... I was unsure of what to say so I turned to Adam and just looked at him. He responded to Madelyn by saying, "Sweetie we're just going through a rough time, but we're still together." It always amazes me at how in tune children are with what's going on around them.
Around 10, we got the girls into bed and then Adam and I had the house to ourselves. Despite how unsure I am about us, despite how broken he has made me, despite how much hurt he's caused me, it still felt absolutely amazing to be back in his arms. When we were heading to sleep, he got up and lighted some candles and then made what was probably the most passionate love I've ever had. In the morning, I woke up to him gently rubbing the side of my face... it's amazing after all this time, the man still gives me the biggest butterflies in my stomach. We layed in bed till around 10 that morning then frantically got up when we realized that Madelyn had clogged the toilet and flooded the bathroom. I knew I had to get home to get to work so I figured that was the perfect time to leave... I let Adam clean up the bathroom himself ;) He told me he loved me and to have fun but to be safe at the beach, and then I left. Why is leaving him so difficult?
Today is going to be pretty hectic. I've got to go to Wal-Mart, the bank, the vet, CVS, Com Cast, and the grocery store.
So this is my life right now. Everyday is a challenge for me, but I'm trying to hang in there and hold it together the best I can.
Adam texted me on Wednesday night asking me to spend the night. I was pretty hesitant at first but I finally agreed. When I arrived at the little trailer he is renting, Madelyn and Kalie came running up to me giving me big hugs... tears came to my eyes. I love those girls so much, and just because they aren't blood doesn't mean I don't love them like they are. But what really broke my heart was when Madelyn said, "What are you doing here? Daddy said you broke up." Wow... what a blow to my heart... I was unsure of what to say so I turned to Adam and just looked at him. He responded to Madelyn by saying, "Sweetie we're just going through a rough time, but we're still together." It always amazes me at how in tune children are with what's going on around them.
Around 10, we got the girls into bed and then Adam and I had the house to ourselves. Despite how unsure I am about us, despite how broken he has made me, despite how much hurt he's caused me, it still felt absolutely amazing to be back in his arms. When we were heading to sleep, he got up and lighted some candles and then made what was probably the most passionate love I've ever had. In the morning, I woke up to him gently rubbing the side of my face... it's amazing after all this time, the man still gives me the biggest butterflies in my stomach. We layed in bed till around 10 that morning then frantically got up when we realized that Madelyn had clogged the toilet and flooded the bathroom. I knew I had to get home to get to work so I figured that was the perfect time to leave... I let Adam clean up the bathroom himself ;) He told me he loved me and to have fun but to be safe at the beach, and then I left. Why is leaving him so difficult?
Today is going to be pretty hectic. I've got to go to Wal-Mart, the bank, the vet, CVS, Com Cast, and the grocery store.
So this is my life right now. Everyday is a challenge for me, but I'm trying to hang in there and hold it together the best I can.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Only the silence remains
It's been a while since i've updated this... to be honest I've been kind of avoiding it. It's like when I have my emotions and what i'm feeling right in front of me in words it makes it that much more real.
Adam and the girls aren't living with me anymore. It's been a terrible month and I am so empty inside. I learned from Adam's mother that he is a runner though... he gets scared when his life gets to comfortable because he feels like something will happen and change it so he runs before it'll happen... which is what happened with us I believe. Adam and I had a talk the other night though... I told him he could run all he wanted too, he could try and delete me from his life, but in the end I'm still going to be here. Despite how hard it'll be, I'm going to fight for what I want and what I want is Adam. We are going to slowly work on this and hopefully in the end, things will work out.
Because of this stressfulness of this month, it's caused me to be distant which resulted in me loosing my job... (bad move on my part). Luckily, I found another job really quickly at the real estate office my mother works at.
I've decided that I need some "me-time" though. I need to get away from Tennessee. So on Saturday, I'm packing my bags and heading to Isle of Palms for 6 days by myself. I am beyond excited.
I hope everyone is doing well. Hopefully I'll have better news and more to talk about next time I write.
Peace&Love,
Taylor
Adam and the girls aren't living with me anymore. It's been a terrible month and I am so empty inside. I learned from Adam's mother that he is a runner though... he gets scared when his life gets to comfortable because he feels like something will happen and change it so he runs before it'll happen... which is what happened with us I believe. Adam and I had a talk the other night though... I told him he could run all he wanted too, he could try and delete me from his life, but in the end I'm still going to be here. Despite how hard it'll be, I'm going to fight for what I want and what I want is Adam. We are going to slowly work on this and hopefully in the end, things will work out.
Because of this stressfulness of this month, it's caused me to be distant which resulted in me loosing my job... (bad move on my part). Luckily, I found another job really quickly at the real estate office my mother works at.
I've decided that I need some "me-time" though. I need to get away from Tennessee. So on Saturday, I'm packing my bags and heading to Isle of Palms for 6 days by myself. I am beyond excited.
I hope everyone is doing well. Hopefully I'll have better news and more to talk about next time I write.
Peace&Love,
Taylor
Friday, July 15, 2011
For better and for worse
My last blog seemed really depressing... and it was. The news came as a complete shock to me and the pain that I've been going through over this past week has been unbearable. I truly don't think that I've ever cried so much in my life. Finally, Adam texted me yesterday for the first time in days saying that he missed me. I was shocked. We ended up seeing each other and talking. Now you have to understand that he has gotten hurt so many times in his past and now he's to the point where he's scared of love (least it seems that way). Anyways, during our talk he explained that running from me and ending our marriage would be the easy way out for him but he said, "the past week without you, they've just been empty days."
We talked for a good 3 hours and I told him that I loved him more than life itself and would do anything to make this marriage work. He said that he just needed a little bit of time and space and that he needed me to be patient with him. He said that he is trying so hard not to run and I pray to God that in the end, he doesn't.
I kind of have mixed emotions about our talk. I feel not nearly as broken as I did before because I know he is still going to try but at the same time, I know that the idea of running is still in his head. He's been through so much and I'm just terrified that he'll feel like he can't do this anymore. So I ask you all to please pray for my marriage.
I wish I had more to update and talk about, but literally my entire week has been nothing much an emotional rollarcoaster.
We talked for a good 3 hours and I told him that I loved him more than life itself and would do anything to make this marriage work. He said that he just needed a little bit of time and space and that he needed me to be patient with him. He said that he is trying so hard not to run and I pray to God that in the end, he doesn't.
I kind of have mixed emotions about our talk. I feel not nearly as broken as I did before because I know he is still going to try but at the same time, I know that the idea of running is still in his head. He's been through so much and I'm just terrified that he'll feel like he can't do this anymore. So I ask you all to please pray for my marriage.
I wish I had more to update and talk about, but literally my entire week has been nothing much an emotional rollarcoaster.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
It's really over...
Well I guess this is it. I am completely broken inside. Adam and I are over. He told me last night that he feels he can't give me the I deserve and need. I was in shock. I've bee crying non-stop since last night, I can't eat or sleep, and I keep making myself sick. I've never felt so hurt in my entire life and my heart is in so many pieces. He leaves and part of me that I will never get back, goes with him. I'm so unsure of everythig right now...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Darnit, I forgot to kiss the frog
My last 2 days have been pretty eventful to say the least. First of all, Makenna and I had probably one of the biggest fights we've ever had. Honestly? I don't see our relationship as siblings healing now. I won't go into details over what happened but I'm almost certain that we will never have any sort of relationship again. My mom has always felt like she has failed in some way with my sister and I because we have NEVER gotten along, even has young children. It kills me every time my mother says that because she has been the greatest mother (and best friend) anyone could ever ask for... she didn't fail us, my sister just has some sort of chemical imbalance ;)
Anyways, yesterday morning I heard a LOUD scream coming from the office. When I rushed in to see what was wrong, there was Kalie by the window pointing at a little frog who had gotten stuck in between the screen and the window. She was terrified that it was going to die, so Super Step-Mom came to the rescue and I saved it :)
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Oh!!! I also found out yesterday that I got the job I was called in for an interview for!!! I am now a worker at the school board! Ahhh So excited!!! I can't wait till Adam comes home so I can tell him! :)
Today was pretty fun. My mom and dad watched Kalie and Madelyn while my friend Tiffany and I went out to get pampered :) I haven't had a girls day out in ages so it was WONDERFUL! Massages, pedicures, shopping, and dinner :) ahhh what more could a girl want... well other then having her husband home :( I ended up buying 5 super cute (and a little sexy if I do say so myself) pairs of lace underwear today, which is definitely not something I normally wear... I was thinking of Adam a lot today though and I think that's what brought me to buy them, I wanted to give him a little surprise for when he got home. I think he'll definitely be pleasantly surprised.
When I got home, I found my parents watching TV and the girls already in bed. Apparently my mom and dad had really tired them out today. I was kind of sad to be honest though, I wished I could've hugged and kissed them goodnight, but that's OK. I know they enjoyed their day which is all that matters.
Tomorrow I have my first day of work at the School Board and I'm super excited, as well as a little nervous. My parents said they'd watch the girls again, but I feel really bad for having them do that especially when they're sort of on a mini vacation. I think after tomorrow, I will take the girls to the Boys & Girls Club so my parents can go out and enjoy themselves.
After a wonderful day of being pampered, I think it's time to head to bed early. Kisses to you all! Have a wonderful night :)
Anyways, yesterday morning I heard a LOUD scream coming from the office. When I rushed in to see what was wrong, there was Kalie by the window pointing at a little frog who had gotten stuck in between the screen and the window. She was terrified that it was going to die, so Super Step-Mom came to the rescue and I saved it :)
Oh!!! I also found out yesterday that I got the job I was called in for an interview for!!! I am now a worker at the school board! Ahhh So excited!!! I can't wait till Adam comes home so I can tell him! :)
Today was pretty fun. My mom and dad watched Kalie and Madelyn while my friend Tiffany and I went out to get pampered :) I haven't had a girls day out in ages so it was WONDERFUL! Massages, pedicures, shopping, and dinner :) ahhh what more could a girl want... well other then having her husband home :( I ended up buying 5 super cute (and a little sexy if I do say so myself) pairs of lace underwear today, which is definitely not something I normally wear... I was thinking of Adam a lot today though and I think that's what brought me to buy them, I wanted to give him a little surprise for when he got home. I think he'll definitely be pleasantly surprised.
When I got home, I found my parents watching TV and the girls already in bed. Apparently my mom and dad had really tired them out today. I was kind of sad to be honest though, I wished I could've hugged and kissed them goodnight, but that's OK. I know they enjoyed their day which is all that matters.
Tomorrow I have my first day of work at the School Board and I'm super excited, as well as a little nervous. My parents said they'd watch the girls again, but I feel really bad for having them do that especially when they're sort of on a mini vacation. I think after tomorrow, I will take the girls to the Boys & Girls Club so my parents can go out and enjoy themselves.
After a wonderful day of being pampered, I think it's time to head to bed early. Kisses to you all! Have a wonderful night :)
Monday, July 4, 2011
Happy Independence Day!
Happy Independence Day to all the Veterans who have served, all the men and women who are currently serving, to all the military spouses, families, friends, to everyone! I hope everyone has a wonderful but safe holiday and don't forget the reason that we celebrate!
Last night, Adam had to leave for work for a month. We have yet to spend a 4th of July together. Despite the fact that we have dealt with year long deployments, it's still difficult being apart no matter the length of time. This will be the longest period of time in which the Kalie and Madelyn are under my watch, and I'm kind of curious to see how they do without their father being home. Hopefully there won't be any problems.
So this morning I was faced with a rather difficult situation. My sister approached me and asked me why I was so sad and when I explained that Adam had to leave for work, she said, "people leave all the time for business trips. How is this any different? I see so many military families get all worked up when their loved one leaves for deployment or whatever. It's not that difficult to deal with. Suck it up." Now don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty mellow person and I hardly am ever rude but this set me off and I ended up telling her to get out of my house. I told her that she didn't have to leave the town, but she wasn't allowed to stay with me anymore. I'm sure she was shocked that her little sister had the nerve to stand up for herself but I wasn't about to take what she said.
Anyways, I just picked up the girls from their friends house and right now they're cleaning their room. My mom and dad are coming in for a visit this evening and staying for a couple of nights which will be nice. I spent all morning cleaning and when the girls are done I think i'll take them to lunch a DQ, run a few arrends, and maybe go get a couple of sparklers and fireworks for tonight :)
I'll leave you all with my favorite military quote and my favorite military spouse video. Have a wonderful and safe 4th ya'll!:
"Next deployment always comes to soon, so love like he deploys tomorrow."
Last night, Adam had to leave for work for a month. We have yet to spend a 4th of July together. Despite the fact that we have dealt with year long deployments, it's still difficult being apart no matter the length of time. This will be the longest period of time in which the Kalie and Madelyn are under my watch, and I'm kind of curious to see how they do without their father being home. Hopefully there won't be any problems.
So this morning I was faced with a rather difficult situation. My sister approached me and asked me why I was so sad and when I explained that Adam had to leave for work, she said, "people leave all the time for business trips. How is this any different? I see so many military families get all worked up when their loved one leaves for deployment or whatever. It's not that difficult to deal with. Suck it up." Now don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty mellow person and I hardly am ever rude but this set me off and I ended up telling her to get out of my house. I told her that she didn't have to leave the town, but she wasn't allowed to stay with me anymore. I'm sure she was shocked that her little sister had the nerve to stand up for herself but I wasn't about to take what she said.
Anyways, I just picked up the girls from their friends house and right now they're cleaning their room. My mom and dad are coming in for a visit this evening and staying for a couple of nights which will be nice. I spent all morning cleaning and when the girls are done I think i'll take them to lunch a DQ, run a few arrends, and maybe go get a couple of sparklers and fireworks for tonight :)
I'll leave you all with my favorite military quote and my favorite military spouse video. Have a wonderful and safe 4th ya'll!:
"Next deployment always comes to soon, so love like he deploys tomorrow."
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